


Heavy

by introvertedwreck



Category: david dobrik - Fandom, vlog squad
Genre: Angst, David is stressed af, Diza, F/M, OCD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-13
Updated: 2019-05-29
Packaged: 2019-08-01 09:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16281932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/introvertedwreck/pseuds/introvertedwreck
Summary: David has OCD, Liza helps him cope, and his friends have yet to find out the extent of his disorder’s severity...





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! I’m extremely impatient and wanted to put out this preview and hopefully receive feedback before posting the first full chapter. This won’t be a super long series by any means. I’m also a bit stuck on titles, so it may change. Hopefully I think of a better one or somebody could possibly leave a suggestion *wink* (ew).  
> *DISCLAIMER*  
> I am in no way trying to romanticize OCD! I know first hand how difficult it can be, and I’m basing this fic off of some of my own experiences with the disorder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *DISCLAIMER*  
> I am in no way trying to romanticize OCD! I know first hand how difficult it can be, and I’m basing this fic off of some of my own experiences with the disorder.
> 
> If anybody has any questions about OCD, please don’t hesitate to comment and ask. If there happens to be any confusion, I’m happy to explain and alleviate it :)

“Earth to David”

David blinked rapidly, staring down at his girlfriend with a bewildered expression.

“I gotta go, I’ll see you tonight” Liza reassured, standing on her toes to peck David on the lips. Had he not been so distracted, he’d have appreciated the gesture more.

“Let me walk you out”, he says as if he doesn’t carry out this routine every time she leaves the house. They walk out the door, and to her car.

“I love you, babe”, David says, staring lovingly at Liza.

_One_

“I love you, too”

The pause is only a few seconds long.

“I love you” he repeats.

_Two_

“I love you, too”

Liza opens her car door, climbing into the driver’s seat. The door remains open.

“I love you”

_Three_

“I love you, too”. Liza starts up her car, closing the door and rolling down the window.

“I love you”

_Four_

_“_ I love you, too”

David sighed happily, knowing he was about to get one of many rituals out of the way. No matter how much he meant what he said, it got tiring having to constantly settle his anxious mind in sometimes obscure manners.

“I love you”

_Five_

“I love you, too”

Knowing that David had settled that compulsion, Liza began to drive away. She knew not to leave him with a ‘goodbye’, because David feared them. He watched her drive away, before walking back inside, locking the door, and checking it five times.

Everybody has routines, but David Dobrik’s happen to be more intense than the average person’s.

~

As David drove over to his friends’ house, the fact that he didn’t have enough ‘good’ footage weighed heavily on his mind. He planned on his vlog being edited and posted that night, and the thought of that not going to plan made his stomach churn. David took a deep breath, wishing Liza weren’t in a meeting so that she could be there to reassure him. She knew his quirks, fears and triggers on a level far above the one his friends were on. Liza made him feel secure in a way his friends couldn’t, and that wasn’t any of their faults. David simply didn’t let them in on his struggles as much as he did with Liza.

 

David pulled up in front of Todd and Jason’s home, seeing his other friends’ cars parked on the street as well. That settled his racing heart somewhat, knowing a large group could definitely produce some hilarious footage.

_Or create more chaos, and then you’re fucked_

David cleared his throat as he got out of his car, locking and checking it five times. He didn’t know what it was about five, or increments of it, but it seemed to be a safe number for him. David would get asked what it’s significance was, but he’d be at a loss. How do you explain something that you know is irrational? That for _some reason_ , doing _that thing_ makes your heart pound a little less?

 

With that, he walked into the home, not knocking since his friends were expecting him. They (Jason, Todd, Alex, Zane, Heath, and Scotty) were either seated on the couch or standing nearby, and they casually greeted David. They knew they’d quickly be put into action mode, considering David’s demanding texts regarding his need for footage.

 

His friends eyed him tentatively, making him chuckle. He’d definitely put them through some bizarre situations over the years, from introducing wild animals, dangerous stunts, flamethrowers… Speaking of which, after a few minutes of average catching up (as if they weren’t together all the time), Jason asked,

“You didn’t bring the flamethrower with you, right?”

David shook his head and responded,

“No. That bit’s getting old”. He’d had his fun with the device, but the fans’ comments about its overuse were taken into consideration.

“I agree”. Meanwhile, his other friends sighed with relief. That eliminated at least one hazard.

“And before you ask, no animals either”, David informed. “I don’t have any ideas at all, really”.

“Baby’s real desperate” Zane joked, making a terrified face and making his friends laugh. David forced a laugh at that, because it was unfortunately too true to make light of.

“Yeah, so I kinda need your help” He scratched his head as he went to take a seat and brainstorm with his friends. “I need this vlog up tonight, and no later than 10pm, everybody’s complaining about how late I’ve been posting”.

 

Todd’s eyes widened at that.

“10pm? Dude I don’t think that’ll happen, you take awhile to edit”

David attempted to be subtle as he tapped his foot 5 times on the floor. He needed to accomplish that goal, even if it was unreasonable considering the circumstances.

“Yeah, they’ll watch no matter what time you post it”, Zane shrugged. After all, he posts weeks late sometimes and still gets views.

“I just like having a schedule” David said, trying to contain his anxiousness. He liked detail, routine, control (even if he felt like he was losing it a majority of the time). Like how his videos weren’t all the same length just because of a joke; the thought of switching things up terrified him. Not all change brought him anxiety, and it was often irrational changes too, but they still managed to induce panic.

“If we can just work something out and get smooth takes, I can get this vlog up in no time”, David added. Seeing the persistent tapping on the ground, and the stress he attempted to hide, his friends nodded.

“Yeah, don’t worry, it’ll be up” Scotty reassured.

“You sure?” David asked.

“Positive”

“The vlog will be up?” David repeated, mentally chastising himself for his desperate need for reassurance that he felt was beginning to spiral. He was wasting time, but that itch needed to be scratched first.

“Of course it’ll be up” Heath affirmed. David bit his lip and squeezed his eyes tightly shut for a moment.

“But do you _promise_ it’ll be posted by 10pm tonight?”

“The vlog will be up by 10pm tonight” Jason said, and David was beginning to come unglued, feeling sick to his stomach.

_But do you fucking promise that the fucking vlog will be up by 10 FUCKING pm-_

David felt a hand on his shoulder, and he glanced over to see Alex with a kind, yet honest expression in his eyes.

“David. We _promise_ the vlog will be edited and posted by 10pm tonight”.

He could finally breathe, but he wasn’t left without shame as he glanced at his worried friends. David cleared his throat and laughed it off, and they seemed to loosen up as he said,

“Thanks, sorry, just wanted to be sure. Anybody have any ideas?”

….

In half an hour, they’d managed to conjure up solid ideas for footage; Zane and Heath getting into one of their iconic ‘fights’ about a petty issue, banter between Todd and Scotty, Alex acting unreasonably (but hilariously) angry, Jason being old… Classic ideas with a twist. David could only hope that the fans would appreciate what would be somewhat of a ‘throwback’ (at least certain aspects). Thankfully Alex was able to remind David that he’d be able to think of even better ideas next time, given the fact that he’ll have more time to brainstorm. David definitely appreciated that, since Liza wasn’t there in that moment to offer similar words. Alex was the best at filling that void, in his opinion.

With that, the group worked together to produce hilarious scenes, with David cackling behind the camera the entire time. Sometimes David would become so immersed in his vlogging that any intrusive thoughts and compulsions would be momentarily suppressed. As brief as they were, they brought David pleasant relief.

Hours later, David was getting ready to go home and edit the footage. Guilt ate away at him as he approached the door, and he turned around and repeatedly thanked his friends for their help.

“No worries man, we wouldn’t be shit without you, so it’s the least we can do”, Scotty joked. David rolled his eyes at that. As cocky as he’d pretend to be at times, his friends were doing just fine keeping their heads above water, and producing their own content.

“Honestly, dude, thank you… We can hang out for real this week, okay?” David asked, and everybody seemed happy to do so. He approached the door, and the itch returned. He turned halfway around once again, stalling his exit despite knowing he needed to get home as soon as possible.

“You guys know I appreciate you, right? I know it looks like I’m using you, but…”

_They think you see them as nothing more than pawns in your fucking game. Ways to make more money. You piece of fucking shit, you-_

“Baby we know that, now go home and edit your video”, Zane said in a humorous manner, hiding his concern over the anxious expression on David’s face. Feeling like a freak, David cleared his throat and forced himself to offer them a “see you guys later, then” and leave the house. 

Once he got into his car, he let out a giant exhale, and rested his forehead on the steering wheel for a few moments with his eyes shut.

As ‘bad’ as David came across to his friends at times, he was also holding back on satisfying certain obsessions. If he didn’t complete at least some rituals though, he’d have a full blown meltdown. Liza has witnessed a couple, unfortunately. She’d been there to talk him down from anxiety attacks, reassure him, comfort him… David would go as far as to call her his angel.

Relieved that he’d be seeing her later, David put his head back up and actually began to drive home.

_You’re gonna be okay, David, you’re gonna be okay, you’re gonna be okay, you’regonnabeokay, you’regonnabeokay_

Once he arrived home, he checked that his car was locked five times, walked inside, locked and checked the door five times, checked that he had his phone in his pocket five times, checked that he’d responded to his texts and didn’t have any _five times_ -

He loudly groaned, taking his spot on the coach with his camera and laptop. It was crunch time, and he needed to get the goddamn vlog completed so that he could get some rest. David knew he needed to focus, but checking his fridge to make sure that his waters and sodas were separated properly seemed to be what his mind wanted. He opened up his laptop with an eye roll, reviewing the fresh footage and beginning to cut and rearrange clips.

_Check the fridge_

Knowing that his mind wasn’t going to leave him alone, and he’d be much more relieved after he checked, David got up and begrudgingly checked the fridge. It looked exactly the same as it did that morning, and David began to walk away… Only to turn back around and check it four more times.

That’s the thing… You feel like you’re constantly chasing after this relief that you’re never going to get. It’s a vicious, irritating cycle, and David wished he could get a break from it. He thought the medication would give him that, but after several attempts at different ones, he was left feeling discouraged. David wanted relief, but he didn’t want to be a lethargic, zombie-like person either.

Liza wanted him to keep trying to find the right medication, but David was adamantly against going through another round of withdrawal and disappointment. That was one factor they happened to disagree on.

Speaking of Liza, she returned home several hours after David began editing wearing a tired smile. He peeked over at her, grinning ear to ear at her presence.

“Hey babe, I’m almost done editing, one moment”

It was dangerously close to 10pm, and if he didn’t post, he’d be a total mess. Liza set a grocery bag down on the table, before joining David on the couch. She’d spent her day at a meeting for her show, running small errands, and catching up with a friend over dinner. It’d been an eventful day, to say the least.

“That’s good, pretty early for you” Liza teased. He’d expressed concern over the late hours he’d post, so that didn’t come as a total surprise.

“I know right” David chuckled, trimming a clip, and growing giddy at the fact that he was probably gonna make his goal time. “But uh, let me just get this up and then tell me about your day and everything”. He wanted to be fully attentive when it came to Liza, and be able to watch her eyes light up and laugh at her animated expressions. He didn’t want to have to glance back and forth between his computer and her. Liza appreciated this, patiently waiting (thankfully not very long), for David to sigh with relief as he added the finishing touches to his video before posting it to YouTube.

 

9:58 PM.

 

David shut his laptop, a sense of euphoria falling over him like a warm blanket.

“I’ve been worried about this video all day” He exhaled, before shaking those thoughts off and focusing on Liza. “Anyway, how was your day?”

David found himself laughing and staring fondly at his girl, even as she explained the most basic trip to target. But he was quick to praise her for the meeting going well, his heart full of joy for his girlfriend’s accomplishments. Liza was able to help come up with ideas for season 2 of her web series, and her ideas were well received.

“I’m proud of you, babe” David said, leaning over to give her a quick peck on the lips. She smiled widely, doe eyes glowing with appreciation.

“Thank you”. She yawned, stretching her arms (adorably, David thought). “I think I’m going to bed, though. I’m really tired… Clearly”. David and Liza exchanged humorous glances before he was yawning too (he just _had_ to joke about them being contagious), and agreeing to go to bed with her.  

David tended to sleep extremely late, but he figured he was tired enough to go to bed that early. They began to prepare for bed, which included an elaborate routine on David’s end. That included the basics like brushing his teeth (5 minutes), but also checking the closets, the front door, the fridge… All while Liza sat in bed waiting for him. Eventually, David was able to feel somewhat satisfied with his efforts, but that also meant that he didn’t get into bed until almost 45 minutes later. By then, Liza was more than half asleep, and struggling to stay awake.

“Goodnight, Liza” David whispered, kissing her on the cheek. “I love you”. Since he was finally in bed, Liza mumbled out a her “goodnight, David. I love you, too”, before almost immediately falling asleep. David paused, smiling at her with adoration. He couldn’t resist the additional 4 kisses to her cheek, before laying back down and shutting his eyes.

_Maybe you should check the vlog, you probably fucked something up_

David forced his eyes open, sighing. His eyelids felt like they had weights attached, and he desperately wanted sleep. However, he still found himself reaching over to grab his phone off of his nightstand, and watching his recent vlog several times over. The brightness down on his phone of course, as not to disturb Liza. Thankfully he had his headphones with him for the noise issue, as well.

After several watches, and scrolling through comments, David set his phone back on the nightstand. He’d shut his eyes again when the itch to check his closet again overwhelmed him. He carefully got out of bed, using his phone’s flashlight to shine inside of the closet. David attempted to block the glare from Liza and be quick about his examination. He tiptoed back into bed, set his phone back down _again,_ and shut his eyes. Several hours, and a multitude of intrusive thoughts later, David was so exhausted that he couldn’t manage to keep his eyes open for even one more compulsion.

The next morning signaled the beginning of another cycle of rituals and anxiety for David Dobrik.

But what’s new?

 

…

 


	2. **NOT A NEW CHAPTER**

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> :((

**Short version of my rambling explanation below- I don’t know when I’m going to update next because I have writer’s block and other shit. May take awhile.**

I’m sorry about the lack of a new chapter. I had every intention of updating soon after the most recent one, but uh... That plan went awry. Not only did I get hit with major writer’s block, but I’m also preparing to go into college and taking care of trivialities. I have other story/one shot ideas in my head though, so hopefully those get written down soon (when I get the chance). Not entirely sure yet... Anyway, sorry again. I’m not trying to act high and mighty like this story is sO fUcKiNg aMaZinG and I’m disappointing millions, but hey... I’ve been disappointed when stories with 4 reads aren’t updated in awhile. And sorry for rambling... The sorry count is high on this one. But anyway, thank you for reading :)


	3. Technically Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liza goes to New York for work. Commence breakdown(s).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m very sorry for the delay. I’m on break though and I wanted to take advantage of that! So here’s a rambling mess... Based on some of my own thoughts, therefore extremely scatterbrained. I could afford to edit this more but I haven’t updated in so long and I wanted to just get it out there. Not the greatest tactic, I’m aware.  
> Side note: writing Diza material feels almost foreign at this point.

When Liza heard the news that she’d be spending over a week in New York promoting her hit show, her initial feeling was elation. However, the knowledge that David would be an absolute wreck at the news was something that left her with a heavy weight upon her heart, and in her stomach. She’d tried to convince her management to allow her to bring David, she really had. But even with her being at the heart of the show, she couldn’t make all the decisions. Thus, the dreaded conversation that she nearly left to the very last moment. Because as much as she dreaded having to tell David, she knew that the news would bear far heavier upon him than it ever could for her. To understand the stress he goes through on a daily basis was something that overwhelmed her as an observer; she could hardly imagine what it’s like from his point of view.

When she explained the trip to David, she could see the anxiety brewing before he could even say a word. She saw the way he tried to swallow his panic, put on a smile and tell her how great it was that she had that opportunity. He was happy for her, he really was. Even Liza couldn’t deny that. But not having her there for reassurance, not having her around to ensure that she’s safe, not being able to check in as often because of how busy she’ll be...

Behind the congratulatory responses David offered, he was mentally chastising himself for being so selfish as to prioritize his anxieties. How he was supposedly a terrible boyfriend for this, and how frustrating it was that his own mind got in the way of the overwhelming joy he should be feeling for Liza. Inner conflict aside, he plastered a fake smile that stretched so wide, he thought he’d crumble. Liza tried to hide the sadness of her own smile, telling him that she’d be okay, but not telling him he has nothing to worry about; with David, there’s always something he can find to worry about. 

~

Three days later, David dropped Liza off at the airport. The stress was eating away at him so badly, he thought he’d vomit. Frankly, he was surprised he hadn’t already.

”You’ll call as soon as you get there?” David asked in a tone reeking with worry. And Liza was just hoping that she’d have the time to do so. ”Or- or text even. I know you’re busy” He added. She nodded, a calm, reassuring smile on her face.

”Of course I will”. 

“You’re going to be in a group most of the time right? I mean, you’ll be safer that way. I don’t want you to be alone, you know what that could lead to, I mean, I don’t want to say it, you know what I mean right? You’ll be in a group, right-“

”David”

He perked up like a puppy, or a small child, desperate for answers. His eyes were frantic and it was taking everything in him not to completely panic. She had to get out of the car soon, anyway.

”I’m a big girl, I know how to take care of myself” Liza laughed. “But yes, I’ll be in a group most- eh, all of the time. I’ll probably be begging for alone time”. 

David found it in himself to smile.

”Not really sticking to your brand there...”

It took her a moment, but she smiled upon realizing he was referring to her ‘big girl’ comment.

(Little brown girl)

”I’m a fraud, aren’t I?” 

David softly smiled, reveling in her demeanor. He admired how easy going she could be, her charisma tough to match. However, this moment of still fondness came to somewhat of an abrupt end, given that Liza would have to get out of the car in probably less than a minute. 

“Shit” she said under her breath. He was too nervous to make another joke about betraying her brand. Liza turned to face David, cupping his face in her hands and planting a grounding kiss on his lips. “Take care of yourself, okay? I love you times five plus infinity-“

David chuckled at this, while also swallowing impending tears. How could a week feel so long? He shouldn’t be so broken up about such a short blip of time in the grand scheme of it. 

“Don’t hesitate to talk to our friends if you need to. I’ll text, call, but please”. She gave him a knowing look that he fully understood. He knew what he should do, but that was easier said than done, or technically, implied. He nodded in understanding and with that, she got out of the car and grabbed her suitcase from the trunk. Before anybody had the opportunity to honk and further frazzle David, she leaned down to gaze at him through the open passenger window and give an adorable wave. 

“Have fun, I love you” David said, wishing they had the time they usually did to fully do what’s become *their* routine. Knowing this, Liza softly smiled, and offered a quick, “I love you, too. Say it in your head and just imagine me replying, yeah?” Unfortunately, David had already been in the same spot for too long, and Liza had to catch her flight. They waved each other off, and with that, David began to drive away, watching as she made her way inside.

”I love you. I love you, too (two). I love you. I love you, too (three). I love you. I love you, too (four)-“

By the time David reached number five, his eyes were already pooling with tears.

~

David almost found it humiliating how anxious he was, and she’d only been gone, no, away for a few hours. He was desperately waiting for a text or call from her. His mind was already coming up with horrific scenarios that he forced himself to envision down to the most minute detail. The rational part of his brain tried to reason that if there was a plane crash, he’d know by now. But that never seemed to last long, or even work at all. Because what if it was hijacked or veered severely off course and landed who knows where, what if the public didn’t know yet and he’d receive a notification any second about how everybody was killed-

He took a shaky breath, running his hands down his face. He tried to erase the image of her screaming, crying, in pain. But his mind cruelly made him replay these scenes like a movie. The tears dropping down her face, her screams laced with agony, her skin charred down to the bone as flames engulfed the plane...

He let out a sob as he told himself to stop. He couldn’t bear the thoughts. They were torturing him, making yesterday’s lunch churn in his stomach because he couldn’t handle dinner, breakfast or today’s lunch either. He dug his knuckles into his temples so hard, that he ended up grimacing in pain. David was thankful to be alone in what he saw as humiliating agony, but being alone is what brought him to this level. It’s not like he was mad at Liza for that, never... It went much deeper than that.

David forced his eyes open, taking another shaky breath as he eyed his phone. He begged for contact from Liza most of all, but he considered heeding her advice, too. He really could reach out to a friend, or friends even.

_They don’t want to hear about your bullshit. They have lives. They don’t have the time to cry over their girlfriend leaving them alone for a week, you fucking toddler. And neither do you._

His inner bully happened to be right. There were bits that needed to be filmed. He did have a job, as much as some people would hesitate to call it that. Even though he spent countless hours, days, weeks, agonizing over what content to produce, how to please the people in his life, skipping meals, watching the sunrise as his eyes burned from sleep deprivation...

No. He had a job to do. Which is why he picked up his phone with a shaky hand and texted the group chat inquiring about a meeting time and possible location.

~

Liza had texted just as he was pulling up to Jason’s house once again. He let out a long exhale, as he could finally breathe again. 

“Hey babe. I’m here, off to meetings already. Busy but I’ll talk later. I love you”, with a selfie attached that made David chuckle. He felt he was floating as he stepped out of his car and walked up to Jason’s front door, not knocking either as he stepped inside. The goofy smile on his face was easy to joke about, but the puffiness of his eyes were not.

”Liza made it just fine” David clarified to his friends, who casually nodded as if they expected nothing else. What a luxury. 

“Glad she’s safe” Jason added, unknowingly making David itch to knock on wood.

_He jinxed her. Now she won’t be safe. You’ll see her on the news, dead, murdered, you’ll be alone forever-_

********”Mmhm”, David gulped. He barely heard what the others were discussing as he took a seat on the couch to “casually” fix his shoelaces, and “subtly” knock on the wooden floor five times. They noticed, how could they not? Jason felt the urge to say something, because although there was a lot about David’s condition that they didn’t understand, he still knew he’d said something that set him off. Before he could, David clapped his hands together.

”So I was thinking about bringing the U-Hauls back...”

~

Hours of collaboration later, David was relieved to have several bits planned out that would easily add up to four minutes and twenty seconds. The group also happened to think twice as hard about providing good ideas.

They knew David was stressed about Liza’s absence. As much as he tried to hide, they still saw how often he longingly checked his phone. The way he gnawed at his lip to the point of it nearly bleeding. His hands shook, he occasionally stuttered. What made it even more difficult was the way David brushed off anybody’s questions and concerns. They knew David opened up to Liza more than any of them, and they weren’t offended by this... But having him open up to them could probably make his life easier. They’d at least have a better understanding of his nuances.

~

That night, David was deeply distressed. He hyper focused on Liza’s promise to talk ‘later’, but what did later mean? Was she okay? Was she hurt? Was she-

He groaned, hating how dramatic he seemed. He was aware of his behavior, but again, rationality was a stubborn bitch that refused to take the load off of irrationality. 

But still... She wasn’t there to offer goodnight kisses, she wasn’t there for him to ask about her day. No “I love you’s” five times in a row. You’d think he’d enjoy the break of that ritual, but the overall stress of her absence was not worth it. If anything, it piled even more rituals and intrusive thoughts onto him. Yeah, definitely not worth it.

He paced back and forth, checking the security of the house that he was utterly alone in, knocked on wood to the point that he was wincing and he knew his knuckles would be bruised the next day, knocked on his marble counters to add fuel to the fire... Imagined Liza lifeless in a ditch to add to the pain, leaving him even more alone than he felt then and there. 

Somehow he was crying again. He didn’t think he could manage to produce more tears. He hated that he was awake at- holy shit, 4 AM, and not even for productive reasons, no- his mind was just wreaking havoc upon him. His body too, judging by the creeping lilac of his knuckles, and the soreness of his temples. His lungs that couldn’t seem to take in enough air, the tightness of his shoulders that felt like he’d been giving piggyback rides to fat toddlers, the aching of his heart. Despite the fear that shook his entire being, he knew at the core of it all that if somebody were to ask for the rationale behind his worries, or even just a “why”... He’d be left standing there as though his lips were glued shut. 

Inventing your own rationale doesn’t seem to be universally understood or accepted. Perhaps it was no wonder he hadn’t explained the extent of this _condition_  to his friends. David couldn’t help but bitterly think that it was better that way.

~


	4. I’m the Worst (what’s new?)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a preview.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friend. As the chapter title states, I’m the WORST. I’m so sorry for the sporadic updates. I start writing again with the hopes of updating more frequently, only to get hit with a bunch of work, life shit, you know the deal. And I know it’s stupid of me to just post previews, but, well... I’m inpatient and I suppose it’s better than nothing? Again, I’m so sorry. Also, finals are next week. Oof.

David woke with a start, panting heavily as he attempted to get a hold of himself. Sweat glistened on the man’s (albeit he felt more like a frightened child in that moment) forehead, and his eyes frantically scanned the room in an attempt to ground himself. He’s in bed, it’s 6:01 AM, and he’s alone in his house on the hill.

_Just a dream, no- nightmare._

He grabs one of the many half empty water bottles on his nightstand and gulps the remaining liquid down, going through one after another until he’s quenched.

The grogginess David had upon waking up began to dissipate, and the nauseating worry set in. He was always hearing about the inner meanings of dreams, about the abundance of analyses that can be made from them. With that in mind, he once again reached over to retrieve something from his nightstand, that being his phone. If something happened to Liza, his phone would be blowing up, right? David searched her name regardless, finding nothing of that nature.

Letting out a heavy sigh, he lay back against his pillows and stared up at the ceiling. There was no way he could fall back asleep, given the images he was forced to view. Apparently sleep didn’t even allow him to escape the intrusive, disturbing thoughts his mind managed to conjure up. And as guilty as David felt when this occurred, he was always grateful to have Liza there to comfort him through his panic. She would rub her hand up and down his back, whispering sweet nothings until it registered that  
  
it was only a dream  
  
That the people he loves are safe, he’s safe, that everything’s okay…

 _They’re not, you’re not, and nothing is okay_.

David huffed. Trying to tell himself those things definitely didn’t bring the same relief as it did with Liza. He wondered if should text her, but he didn’t want to bother her any more than he already had, either. She may be in a meeting and then he’d just be left pacing for hours. God, he wished it weren’t so early. Had it been later, he could’ve texted his friends and met up to collaborate on his, or their vlogs.

He checked his phone, noting that the sun would be rising in 15 or so minutes. David supposed watching that would be nice. Thankful for something pleasant to look forward to, he got out of bed, slipped on some shoes to walk outside in, and went out to his backyard. He smiled softly to himself as he stared out at the horizon, reveling in the view that overlooked the hills of Los Angeles. He took a deep breath, held it for a moment, and exhaled. His first dose of true calmness he’d felt since waking up. That typically came a bit later in the day, if at all.

Enjoying the soft winds that cooled his previously overheated body, David waited until the daybreak turned to a glowing sunrise with a relaxed expression. He found peace in the lack of intrusions and compulsions, even if he knew that was only a brief reality. He would stare at the view all day if it meant ridding his mind of such toxicity.

Having woken up so early, David decided to get a head start on his editing. He had at least a few hours until it would be a socially acceptable time to meet up with his friends. Why not take advantage of that? Before getting started, he heeded Liza’s advice about taking care of himself. He made himself a somewhat pathetic looking buttered toast breakfast, but hey, this was already a rare occurrence. At least he was trying? Once breakfast was made, and he was putting the items away, David found himself staring intently at his fridge to ensure he’d put the butter back to his liking. He couldn’t resist the urge to adjust the placement of a few of his sodas, as well. And the water. And the condiments. And then the bowls, cups and plates in the cupboard next to the fridge. He moved onto the utensils after that, and by the time he was finished organizing them, the toast looked even less appetizing than it initially did. David sat down with a sigh, eating quickly not out of habit, but to get through the cardboard-like “meal” as soon as possible.

David was jumping out of his skin by the time noon rolled around. He was eager to escape the empty house, get more content for the vlog he’d been editing, and just find a distraction in the company of his boisterous friends. David was also sick of hearing his own laughter from behind the camera, and he wondered if the fans would be able to pick up on how fake it sounded. Maybe, maybe not… Hopefully not.

Relief in mind, David gathered up the few, but mildly questionable items he needed for filming, and began driving to Dom’s apartment.


End file.
